A long time ago in there was a man named Joe Weider and his barbell. The barbell had never been lifted and one of the most purest barbells of the time, pure iron without even a mark of rust. One day the barbell started to warp oddly even with not a single 45lbs plate being added to it. So Joe tried to find a place to get his barbell fixed but it was Christmas eve and all the metal working shops were full. It was a long cold night but luckily Joe found an abandoned gym. That night, the bar continued warping and finally snapped! And between the 2 broken pieces of iron sat a child. Joe looked at the child though confused with love and care. He named the child Olympia and thus Baby Olympia was born!
The Three Swolely Men
Joe and Baby Olympia sat in the gym, Joe still shocked from what just took place was suddenly rattled by 3 stiff knocks on the gyms steel door! *KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK!* Joe went to the door and 3 swolely men entered the gym with gifts. First was Swolely man Schwarzenegger who gave Baby Olympia the gift of protein powder. The second was swolely man Coleman who gave baby Olympia the gift of creatine. Finally, was swolely man Cutler who gave Baby Olympia the gift of essential BCAAs.
The 3 swolely men lifted weights all night long around Baby Olympia. Teaching him proper squat form, how to deadlift, and bench. They taught him how to cook his chicken and rice so it had just hints of flavour. When morning arose the 3 swolely men left as quickly as they came because 8 hours of sleep is best for muscle growth
As Baby Olympia got older and older he slowly grew a large following. At first he was hated and called a fake profit but one by one people joined and got massive gainz! He taught many lessons and gave many hope along their road to become swole! He had a cult like following that would go gym to gym with him all around the world lifting heavier and heavier every time! They trained legs, they trained arms, they trained chest, they even trained the rest muscles on rest days! They prepped every meal, Slept all they could, planned every step of the way.
As Olympia traveled from gym to gym he began to realize things were changing. People were no longer following The Swolely Bible or the 10 Swolely Commandments! There were less squat racks, less Benches, less dumbbells, and the people were getting less swole!
One day, Olympia entered the gym alone as his following had to finishing preparing their meals. When Olympia walked in he knew this was going to be a gym session like no other.There were rings hanging from the ceiling, pull up bars along the wall where squat racks normally were, a small selection of dumbbells, very colourful plates, and along one entire wall was the phrase “Cross Fit”. Olympia had seen these before, they were buying up gyms left and right preaching The Crossfit Bible. Nearly every gym was becoming a cross fit gym. Olympia began his workout anyway as normal by warming up, nothing out of the ordinary or so it seemed because everyone stared at Olympia though not uncommon in public but very uncommon in the gym.
The Death of Olympia
As he walked to the squat rack he realized timers everywhere, again not an uncommon thing to time your rest periods but it was to an extreme. As Olympia entered the first squat rack a person ran over and yelled “thats mine im just supersetting”. Olympia understood and went to the next squat rack but the same thing happened when he got to the next 3 squat racks! He luckily was not approached when he entered the last one. Olympia began squatting getting heavier and heavier until a patron of the gym walked up to him and said he had to leave as :”his kind” werent accepted here as the followed The Crossfit Bible and did not believe any part of The Swolely Bible. Olympia made a deal with them he said if he could PR anyone could lift anywhere. The cross fitters agreed because they knew Olympia’s squat PR was higher than any known man’s and would never be able to to hit it.
Olympia prepared himself slowly inching plate by plate up to his PR. The cross fitters still very confident he will fail. When the final 45lb plate was slapped on there was stress in the room, Olympia had struggled the rep before and this would be his biggest challenge. Olympia knew if he ailed this rep the cross fitters would take over and people wouldn’t be able to train however they wanted, no one would be swole, and the lifting world as we know it would have been a lot of kipping and reebok sneakers.
Olympia grabbed the bar, retracted his shoulder blades, and bent underneath the bar. He squeezed the bar till his knuckles turns white, he stood tall with the bar digging deep into his traps. Tis was the biggest lift of the entire lifting universe. Olympia went down and slowly inched upward quickly getting stuck under the weight. It looked as if time paused. Olympia looked frozen still 2 inches from the top. His face beet red, sweat pouring into the floor, and a lion like rior echoing throughout the gym. Olympia never once questioned the fact he could do it and after what felt like a decade of a stop Olympia began moving slowly up again. The cross fitters began to cry and the lifters began to cheer. Olympia only an inch away frim the top felt he had nearly accomplished the impossible until
A cross fitter jumped onto Olympia’s back screaming that he would never complete this PR but at that moment Olympia’s pre workout kicked it and with titan like strength shot up, locked his knees throwing the cross fitter high into the rings leaving him tangled 8 feet in the air. Olympia stood tall looking onto his cheering followers. I did it for your gainz! He then walked ti the group of sobbing cross fitters and told them. Though your way of fitness Is not mine you deserve to lift how you wish, do nit give up but never try to conquer the lifting world again.
That night all lifters of all backgrounds cane together to lift. Calisthenics, power lifters, cross fitters, bodybuilders, cardio kids, etc. But throughout the party Olympia was never seen, The legend goes that after Olympia left that gym he was soo tired, went home, fell asleep and went catabolic! And was never seen again.
OLYMPIA PR’d IN THE SQUAT RACK FOR OUR GAINS!
So every year on December 25th we celebrate LiftMas in memory and celebration of Olympia’s birth